I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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