She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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