Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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