My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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