she woke up with a sticky ear
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
