If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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