Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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