the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're like the curious george of whores
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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