You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
