Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize