i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Send help, water and tortillas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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