I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
