it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
