dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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