Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
