it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
