I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
