OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
