Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
