Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
