please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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