Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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