Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
