get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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