I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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