I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
