He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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