I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
