If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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