Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
