Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
