AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
