We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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