Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
