You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
