It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
