just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
