So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
