I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
