My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
