Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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