wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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