So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
