Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
