your parents love me but you hate me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
