Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
