i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
