at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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