its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
