i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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