hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
