I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
