I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize