Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
