I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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