i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
