me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
