I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Randomize
