Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
