my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
