It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Too much gin, very little bucket
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
