im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize