I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
