you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
