lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
