Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
