Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
