Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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