1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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