No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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